HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
