Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
