you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
