She's JV to your varsity
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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