Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
