I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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