when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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