I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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