I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was born a porn star she said
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
