Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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