Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
