How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
