My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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