Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
