I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
