Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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