If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dick very happy bro
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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