Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
