I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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