Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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