if you like me you must not know who I am
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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