dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
