if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize