i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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