He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
