first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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