Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
