a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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