Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
