what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
