what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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