I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
