We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
