Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize