I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
