just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
