not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
