Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
