Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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