Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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