Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
