Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
