i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
