I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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