Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
