why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at about main and main street
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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