PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
