is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
