A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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