can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
