my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
