You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
