Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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