I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
