Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drake has all the answers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
