just tell him i said nine months
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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