Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry about my life...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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