What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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