Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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