There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's blow job season.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize