just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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