I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize