I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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