HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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