32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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