Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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