Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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