she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
