dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
