Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
